


I wouldn't know what to do, if you loved me back

by Avectonsourire



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Lexa is sweet and soft, M/M, Slow Burn, Teaching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-19 06:51:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8194462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avectonsourire/pseuds/Avectonsourire
Summary: Clarke is in the university with her buddy, Raven enjoying the college experience.In her second year, she is introduced to Lexa, her Calculus teaching assistant. Not very good with summaries. ENJOY





	1. Chapter 1

“Raven, we are going to be late, it is the first day of class and I have heard Prof Smith doesn’t even give you a chance, he literally marks you absent if you show up a min late to his class”, Clarke yells from her outside Raven’s door.

“Oh princess, you need to chill, we have about 15 mins to get to class, we’ll be fine” Raven responds.

Clarke rolls her eyes at this, knowing that this was pretty much the definition of their friendship; she was always the driven and rule-abiding citizen while Raven did as much as possible to negate those attributes.

This was the first day of their new semester. Freshman year had sucked for Clarke which was ironic because Raven had told Clarke “Freshman year of College was the best thing that happened to her”. 

Looking back though, it made sense; Clarke had started Uni with that imbecile of a boyfriend Finn, dragged along from high school against the wishes of her best friend and mom. They had their ups and downs but Finn was always there until he was cheating on her with a girl on her freshman floor.  
She had spent her first semester hanging out and doing everything with Finn and the next semester hating his guts, crying and feeling depressed over the breakup and the fucking Chicago winter weather.

Raven on the other hand, had none of that. She had come without baggage and would be graduating after 3 years and a summer semester still without baggage.

Well, this semester was going to be better, Clarke thought. She was going to go out more, socialize and join an organization or two along the way. It didn’t help though that she had some hard classes this semester and would have to spend quite a bit of time in the library. Calculus was going to be quite literally the death of her. She didn’t understand why she had to take Calculus for pre-med, and so when Raven told her that she had signed up for the same section of Calculus as Clarke, she just knew that things will be okay, because her friend was a Math genius.

They arrived to the Calculus class with 5 mins to spare and noticed that many of the students had gotten the same memo about the no-nonsense professor. It was a huge class in one of the large lecture halls .This worked out, they grabbed seats in the middle of the class while Raven gushed about Limits and Derivatives and how excited she was to apply some of these concepts to her Engineering classes. Clarke tuned her out.

“Octavia, let’s sit over there”, a guy with cute hair said, as he walked along with a beautiful slim brunette in the direction Clarke and Raven were seated. As they took their seats, they introduced themselves to both Clarke and Raven. The young man was Bellamy, gorgeous with nice hair as Clarke had noticed and the girl beside him was his twin Octavia. She seemed shy, as she just listened while Raven and Bellamy did most of the talking. 

The morning was definitely looking up because Clarke couldn’t quite tell who she found more attractive of the twins, maybe she could have both. 

As though Raven had listened-in on her thought, Clarke heard her whisper, “Don’t even think about it princess, she is mine”. 

“Good Morning Class”, the class was silent in an instant.

“I am Prof Smith teaching you guys Calculus this semester, as many of you know, I will not hesitate to fail students in this class. I take attendance everyday because this is a large class and everyone must be in class before I get here. I have a quiz every week, assign homework after every lecture to be turned-in on the day of the quiz, you have two exams; a midterm and a final. This summarizes most of the logistics; if you need more information, I have attached a syllabus on my website which is where you’d find any relevant information concerning this course. Based on the size of this class, I have been assigned three Teaching Assistants from the Math graduate program; they are students like you, just smarter and a lot busier. They are seated in this class at the present moment”

The class looked around trying to find people that seemed out of place. 

He continued “They are here to help; you all will be broken into small recitation groups with each of them where you ask questions and go over problems for an hour after this class. Lexa, Anya and Lincoln, please make your presence known”.

Again some rowdiness in class as the three TAs rise from their various seats in the lecture hall.

Well Damn... because seated right next to Raven, a blonde about their height with great cheekbones and not very far in age rises, so does a brunette who is seating in front and a tall and athletic guy at the back. They return back to their seats and the TA sitting close to them introduces herself as Anya. 

Raven melts. 

How had she not taken notice of her, she had been too busy checking out Octavia that she had failed to see the hot TA sit next to her. 

Professor Smith had gone over some review materials from Pre-calc on the first day that Clarke felt quite comfortable with. She was looking forward to her recitation group in the next hour where she would find out from her TA just how hard or easy this class was going to be.

*** Recitation***

Raven, Clarke and Octavia were assigned the same group, so they walked together to another classroom hall, much smaller than the one they had just stepped out from. This class had about thirty students in it, of which Clarke recognized Monty and Jasper from her O-Chem class. She waved at them and they all sat close to each other in the second row of the class.

After about 5 mins, the brunette TA from the front of the class walks in and Clarke’s heart skips a beat.

She is wearing a pair of skinny jeans, button up shirt and a pair of sandals, casual for a TA but then it was the math department so who cared. She had green eyes that were so soft and warm but intriguing. She was tall with long beautiful shaped legs on a nice athletic frame with braided hair that seemed to just flow with the Chicago wind. Her face, goddamn!! Her face. She was perfect.

Clarke didn’t know how long she had been looking at her TA but she was woken from her reverie when Monty, seated on her right nudged her, at which point she made eye contact with the girl and she saw it, there was a smile, quite invisible to an unknowing eye. Her TA had caught her starring.

“ Hey everyone, I am Lexa, I am a PHd grad student in the Math department doing my research in Bifurcation theory and Non-linear Eigen value problems in Ordinary Differential Equations”

“There was nothing ordinary about what she just said”, Monty whispered while Raven and Octavia nodded.

“I am the TA for this recitation group and I am here and readily available to help you guys as much as I can. I am not as strict as some of the other TAs in the grad assistants’ office, so feel very free to drop by to ask questions or say hi. My office hours are on the syllabus. We pretty much live in that office, so be rest assured that whenever you do come by, there is an 87.5 percent chance that I will be there. We have coffee too ”. Lexa was adorable and Clarke knew she was in trouble. 

This semester was definitely looking brighter and she had to find the graduate assistants office.. 

Lexa informs the class that the first day was for formalities and getting to know one another, so she asked that everyone introduced themselves by stating their names, major and what they enjoyed doing .

“Hi, my name is Raven, a Mechanical Engineering Major that likes to do people in my free time”. Next to her Clarke turned red and the class including Lexa laughed at her comment.

Clarke stood up and she made contact with green eyes that seemed to light up a bit more, eager to hear what she had to say.  
“Hello, my name is Clarke Griffin, I am a Biochemistry pre-med sophomore who likes reading, chess and meeting new people”. Monty whistles and the class laughs again. Clarke would swear till today, that she saw Lexa smile for the second time at her.

The entire class went around with the introductions and funny things they enjoyed.

This class was going to be interesting and they all knew it.

***Graduate Assistants' Office***

Lexa walks in after her recitation to see that Anya and Lincoln were already back in the office, they must have dismissed their classes earlier than she did.

As she drops her books and markers on her desk, Anya calls out “Hey Lex, how did your first day go? My group is a bunch of art and sociology majors that don’t seem interested in Calc at all”

Lexa replied, “Mine was actually quite nice, the students seem fun and intelligent” recalling Raven, Jasper, Monty, Clarke, Octavia, Harper all in Science and Engineering programs. She continued “ I heard a lot of interesting things today, a student told the entire class that she liked to do people in her pastime”

This definitely got the entire office listening; Costia who sat at the end of the room closed the book she had been reading to listen, as did Indra, Titus and Lincoln. She narrated the day’s events after which they all shared stories from their corners of the office. Lincoln mentioned that most of his students were hot girls and he was pretty sure that they were all checking him out. The TAs gave him that look that said “you know the rules”.

After chatting and having lunch, the TAs went back to studying and working on their projects. 

Costia walked over to Lexa’s desk; “Babe, are you still up for dinner tonight at Stanley’s? My mom is still in town and she wants to hang out with you.” Lexa smiled at this and affirmed that she was still available and excited to spend some time with Costia’s mom. That woman was like a mother to her and she hadn’t seen her in a while.

She remembered the last time she had gone to Costia’s place in Madison. The entire family had welcomed her like they had known her since childhood. That was one of the things she loved about Costia, she was so warm and loving and she couldn’t have asked for a better person to call her girlfriend.

Indra had office hours for her College Algebra class while the others left to go listen to Dr.Grobb teach about Complex Analysis.

This was going to be a long class, Lexa thought. She couldn’t hear what was being said about Cauchy’s Integral formula and Morera’s theorem because somewhere at the back of her mind, a certain blonde with sky blue eyes kept making an appearance. She knew then she was in trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

“ Hey Anya, I need the notes from class today, I wasn’t able to get the notes and would you please go over the proof of Rouche’s Theorem with me? “ Lexa was standing by Anya’s desk trying to salvage her inability to understand Grobb’s lecture today. This was the third time since she started her Teaching Assistant assignment this semester.

“Well sure, the idea is simple, if a woman were to walk with her dog on a leash around a tree such that the length of the leash was less than that of the woman’s distance to the tree, then the dog would wind around the tree exactly as many times as the woman. The theorem gives the number of roots counting multiplicity of two holomorphic functions that satisfy the inequality in the text” Anya answers while Lexa looks over the text for the inequality.

“Oh this makes sense now, Thanks Anya”

“No problem babe, but this is the third time you are asking me to explain stuff after Grobb’s class, whats going on?”, Anya was a bit concerned for her friend who usually understood Complex Analysis more than the other grad students.

“Oh, it’s nothing” Lexa tries, failing to hide her lie. She hadn’t been attentive in Grobb’s class because all her thoughts were focused on a certain student in her class.   
The hour before his class, she had to conduct the recitation for Calculus.

Her students had gotten pretty close with one another giving the class an informal vibe. She spent most of the time answering questions on Derivatives mostly implicit differentiation. Clarke would ask questions as well but whenever she did, the room suddenly got smaller and it was as though only both of them were present. 

They shared something that Lexa had never experienced before, it seemed like they had known each other all their lives. She knew what it was, but was afraid to admit it  
Because admitting it, would change her life in ways she wasn’t ready for. 

After every Calculus meeting, Lexa always left the class feeling like she was leaving a part of her behind. This explained why her attentiveness in Grobb's class was waning.

“ Hey Lex, I see you, you know that ? I know when something is up, I hope that sooner rather than later, you’d be able to share what it is with me. I love you babe”  
Lexa smiled at that, Anya had a way to make her feel better anytime. She was going to eventually tell her best friend but at the moment, she didn’t even understand what was going on with her.

 

“Hey guys, Calc is kicking my ass” Jasper announced to the group while they were studying at the library.

“Me too”, Clarke and Bellamy added. Bellamy had now joined their study group. 

They stayed together working on their homework before talks about a campus party begun. Having agreed to meet up in Clarke’s room later that night, they left the library to go get ready.

Six weeks into the semester, a pace had been established in Clarke’s life. She was quite happy with things and people around her. Her group of friends from Calculus got together after class to go over problems on the weekdays and party on the weekends. She was more involved on campus having joined two science related organizations. Her favorite people to hang out with were Raven and Octavia. They got along so well that they decided that they would all rent a house for the next semester.

Classes were going well except for Calculus. It was definitely a challenging class, she thought.

Last week, Dr Smith had assigned 20 Differentiation problem that took her over 4 hrs to complete and this was with the help of Raven. She decided after that she was going to pay Lexa a visit. 

She found Lexa seated in her corner of a large office with about 10 desks each assigned to a different Teaching Assistant. As she approached Lexa, green eyes met hers and she tripped on a book on the floor and almost fell. Lexa seeing this, swiftly reached for her, steadying her. There was now very little space between them and Clarke could smell the Honey Vanilla scent of Lexa’s perfume. 

“Hey Clarke, Are you okay? “, Lexa quickly said trying to break the awkward silence between them. Clarke turned a shade of red from embarrassment,“ I am okay Lexa, I didn’t see that book on the floor, I stopped by to find out if you could help me with some of these problems, they are taking me a while to understand and I am getting a bit frustrated with them. Lexa, please help me” Clarke replied.

Hearing this, Lexa felt strange, a mixture of warmth for Clarke and annoyance towards the problems that were clearly upsetting Clarke. 

“Hey, It’s okay Clarke, these problems are meant to challenge you and push you towards understanding the basic ideas of Derivatives. It’s not you and I am always here for you, remember that okay”.  
After saying this, Clarke relaxed, taking a seat next to Lexa on her table and they worked on the problems together. 

That became part of this pace Clarke had established, she would go to the graduate office for help during Lexa’s office hours and they would work on Math problems together.   
This way, she was learning a couple things about her TA and quite frankly other TAs in the office. They were an interesting and very intelligent group of people. The office she found out was a cool place to hang out once in a while. She particularly liked Indra, badass Math 3rd year Phd student who was working on Number Theory as well as Costia, very pretty 2nd year Masters student working on her Masters’ Thesis. She also found out that Costia was Lexa’s girlfriend, to this information, she didn’t know what to think.

Costia and Lexa had been dating for a year now and they seemed happy together. They were also voted the cutest couple in the office. Granted, they were the only couple but they were adorable together.

Lexa was the sweetest and most soft spoken person she had ever met, but behind that warmth there was remarkable intellect , passion and intensity for things and people she cared about. Costia on the other hand, spoke with audacity and intellect, having this tough exterior but everyone who knew her well enough would tell you that Costia was the biggest softie they had met. They complemented each other so well. Clarke decided that she was going to keep her crush on Lexa to herself since she didn’t want to ruin the beautiful relationship between the pair.

The crush though wasn’t getting better, her feelings for Lexa only increased each time she spent time with her. The way Lexa looked at her, like she would do anything in the world to make Clarke’s life easier, the way she touched her arms when the problems overwhelmed her, the way she cared for her students, her job, people around her. Everyone loved Lexa, they looked out for her like she was their baby. All of these only made things harder for Clarke and soon after she found herself liking Costia less and less.

Fuck

One day, she ran into Lexa at the coffee shop with a dozen cups of drinks and when she asked, Lexa told her that the grad students were having a difficult Numerical Analysis exam later that day and they had all slept in the office and she wanted to do something nice for them. Clarke felt so much warmth coursing through her , but this was a regular whenever she was around Lexa, The girl had such a beautiful spirit and Clarke didn’t even know if any one, herself included deserved to be with someone like Lexa.

She had to work on that, she wanted to be that person that could be capable of deserving the precious beauty that was Lexa.

Anya and Lincoln, were the most fun in the office honestly. They teased Lexa all the time causing her to smile or glare depending on what was said.

Clarke enjoyed seeing that and hearing about Lexa.

She learnt from the regular banter between Anya, Lincoln and Lexa that Lexa loved flowers to an inexplicable extent, that Lexa loved to cook and was the world’s most horrific baker having once baked a cake for Anya’s 24th that tasted like burnt carpet in Lincoln’s words. She learnt that Lexa was really the top in her relationship with Costia. She imagined being in a relationship with Lexa but it was all wrong because Lexa was with someone else.

Maybe she could direct those feelings towards someone else.


	3. Chapter 3

“Guys, Stanley’s tonight?” Indra calls out from the far corner of her office. Everyone agrees, after a stressful week of Numerical and Real Analysis exams, they needed to take a break . They finally agreed to head out to the grad students bar.

“ Hey baby, are you coming” Costia inquired. Lexa whines a bit, she was so lightweight that a shot of tequila was all she needed to keep her buzzed all night. But knowing her crew, they would never let her get away with one shot of anything. She eventually agreed after they all promised not to buy shots for her. She knew better. 

They headed to the bar and Lincoln ordered shots of vodka for everyone. After which Lincoln and Anya headed off to the dance floor. This was going to be a long night.

 

“Clarke, I heard there is a grad student’s bar on campus, do you want to check it out. Bellamy told me that Lincoln and the other grad students might be heading there tonight. I think I might like Lincoln and I have seen you check out Lexa a couple times”, Octavia was quiet and observant and had noticed the chemistry between Clarke and Lexa and this made Clarke blush a little.

“Octavia, I don’t know what it is, but whenever Im around her, I feel complete, I always want to be where she is. I have a huge crush on her but she is my TA and she is also going out with Costia and I don’t want to ruin what they have going on, but I do want to check out the bar since I’ve heard lots of good things about it”

They gathered the rest of the crew; Raven, Bellamy, Jasper, Monty and Harper and headed off to Stanleys.

When they arrived, the place was packed with people dancing to good music and drinking. They ordered up drinks for themselves and proceeded to dance away the evening. Raven and Octavia right away begun dancing together and so did Clarke and Bellamy. 

They noticed Lincoln and Anya dancing on the other side of the bar and Clarke began searching for green eyes. She found them almost immediately seating at a booth by herself. 

“Hey Lexa, why are you sitting alone? Where is Costia?” Clarke inquired. Lexa looked up and was taken aback by the sight in front of her. Clarke was standing dressed in a short skirt, blue flowery body hugging blouse with heels. She looked beautiful. At the same time, Clarke was taking Lexa in, she let hair down, wearing a cute black bodycon dress and had decided to make everyone swoon more by adding red lipstick on those lips.

Wow, Clarke thought

“ Clarke, Hey, Costia went to the bar a while ago and she hasn’t been back yet. I have had three shotsss Clarke”. Clarke could tell that Lexa was a bit drunk by some slurred words.

“ Can I sit with you, Lexa”

“Yes please, keep me company”

“What are you doing here, please tell me you are with your crew”

“I am, and I saw Lincoln and Anya on the dance floor and Indra talking to some cute guy by the bar”

“I am happy to see you here Clarke, you look beautiful”

Clarke smiles and replies “Thank you Lexa, you always do, but tonight, wow”

Lexa cant help but smile and the lipstick and the shot does something to Clarke that makes her shiver. Lexa notices and laughs.

“Can I ask you something Clarke, tell me to mind my business if you want to?”

“Ask me something, Lexa”

“How old are you?” Clarke laughs, now she knows Lexa is really drunk because of all the personal questions to be asked , she picked her age

“I just turned 21, how old are you?”

“Wooooooaaaahhh, you are a baby, my baby”, Clarke smiles again thinking Lexa is the cutest person ever

“Me”, she points at herself , “I'm 27, Clarkey “ Clarke thinks that Lexa needs to stop

“Clarkey, really? I hate that nickname.” Clarke pouts

“ Raven told me you call me Sexy Lexy when you all get together to study. And now you want to complain about Clarkey”. 

Clarke is embarrassed now that Lexa knows that she finds her sexy. She tries to change the direction of their conversation

“So I didn’t know you Math people could party ? I wouldn’t have imagined you’d be here tonight” 

“Yeah, we try to get out of the office once in a while. I had a hard day today and Costia is not happy with me” 

“Is that why she isn’t here? What did you do, Lexy ?”

Lexa smiles at the new nickname and replies “ I didn’t do anything, she says that I am not very present with her anymore. I don’t even know what that means”

Clarke shifts closer to Lexa and wraps an arm around her waist, softly pulling her closer, “ Hey, it will be okay, you both have been so busy with your school and project . You’ll find your groove again.

Lexa laughs a little, amused at the reversal of roles. She was older and more experienced yet she felt the opposite listening to Clarke’s words. Sometime in the past weeks, Clarke had become a friend to her, Clarke knew a lot about her as did she.

She had learnt that Clarke wanted to become a doctor following in her parents footsteps, that she loved flowers like her and that she had broken up with a boyfriend of several years. She also found out that Clarke had developed feelings for someone in their Calculus class. 

Lexa automatically assumed it was Bellamy. To this, she didn’t have an opinion. She had seen the way they walked into Calc Lecture hall together, they sat together and goofed around like a couple.

“Hey, where is Bellamy tonight, How are things going with him? “

Clarke was amused again because Lexa had assumed that she had feelings for Bellamy and she hadn’t bothered to correct her. She still doesn’t know why.

“He is somewhere dancing with Raven, I should let you know though that Bellamy is one of my best friends and I don’t really care for him in that way”

“Oh, I didn’t know, you told me you liked someone in class and I sort of assumed. So who is it, if it isn’t Bellamy”, Lexa tries, eager to know who this person was that had captured her baby’s heart.

“I don’t know if I can say, Lex” She looks deeply into Lexa’s eyes and it finally clicks in Lexa’s head that it had been her all this time.

Without thinking, she blurts “ Im with Costia, Clarke, and you are my student and you are a baby, my baby”

“Lexa, I know and I don’t want things to be weird between us. I like our friendship but I just wanted you to know, and by the way..”

Lexa cups Clarke's chin “Shhh, I know what you are going to say, you are my baby, Clarke Griffin. She kisses her cheek and I will always be here to take care of you ”.

Lexa knew that deep down she was happy to know that Clarke had feelings for her as well. She just couldn't admit hers to Clarke. She couldn't cause her baby any pain. 


End file.
